02 January 2012

10 New Year's Resolutions That Beg To Be Broken

Yes, yes, it's that time of the year again. That sweet, wonderful time of the year where you look back on the past year and say:

"Huh? It's New Year's Eve already???"

Yes, sweetness, it's here and with it comes the inevitable task of getting my mind right about those little things that bug me about myself and resolve to make them either -

1. Go away for good by developing new habits


2. Embrace them and keep my sanity about making sudden changes. Sudden changes and sudden movements tend to make me go ninja.

So here are my Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for 2012.

10. Learn To Wear My Makeup

Yeah, ok, so I'm 48 and I'm still uncomfortable with wearing heavy makeup. Construction work has not been in my skill set & besides; something that requires a forklift to get deep into those wrinkles and a jackhammer to take the stuff off with maybe ain't so good for me to learn.

Who knows, though? Maybe I'll try glitter this year to bring actual reflected sunlight into those deep, dark wrinkled crevices around my eyes.

9. Early To Bed - Early To Rise

Who am I kidding? I'm a gamer. Gamers don't sleep. Gamers eat at their computers wearing full Star Wars regalia complete with a light saber to cut our apples with. It's a pretty rotten moment in the space-time continuum when we actually have to get out of our chairs for mundane things like taking a shower & changing our clothes. Which reminds me - I really should get my Jedi robes out of the cleaners.

8. Quit ... Something

I'm pretty sure there's a level of consciousness out there that says smoking, drinking, too much gaming and eating too much chocolate is bad for you.

Not to mention coffee, lest we forget.

However (comma) I don't feel too awfully inclined to actually stop smoking because I don't inhale. I know what you're thinking but soldiers were using that excuse LOOOOONG before Clinton ever thought it up. I can't give up my chocolate so I'm moving on to a healthier choice - yes, that's right dark chocolate. I won't give up the gaming because it's relaxing and it's the one hobby I truly enjoy.

Ok, really....drinking? Come on! It seriously takes me a month to drink a 6-pack of beers and since I have a very strict rule about no drinking and driving, I can't see me getting a ticket from walking back and forth to the kitchen.

7. Learn to Get Over Myself

Come on, how many times have you heard that it's not all about you? Well, I'm here to stand up on my 3-step ladder to tell you only one thing:

Yes it is.

This year, I resolve to be much more selfish about myself than I've ever been. Have you even extended yourself so far into everyone else's life that you honestly can't think straight without a Post-Its, a digital calendar on your computer that hooks up nicely to your Droid calendar app and a personal assistant who calls you every morning to give you a reminder that today is really not all about you because you have 100 MILLION things to do?

Nah, I have to claim some of that time back because God has only given me one shot in this life to make good.

6. I Need To Learn To Relax

I'm nearly 50. I'm too young to relax. When I'm nearly 90, I'll be saying the same thing! Some may think I'm not active enough since I do have a gym membership and never go. Maybe I'll just burn up the road getting back and forth to the gym to watch all the AB Rocket Pros saunter around in barely-there shorts & muscle shirts with a towel permanently hooked to their fanny-packed shorts while I sit at the health bar counter sipping on a mango-slushie-something-or-other protein shake.

*Nixon voice* I am not a slug! I am not a slug!

5. Eliminate The Buddah Belly

I've had this belly for so many years that if I actually didn't have it, I'd stare longingly out a window with binos looking for it on the horizon coming back after a vacation in the Rockies. My belly is comfortable around my waist.

Although, I have to admit, I really long for the days when I was in a size 12 jeans.

4. Work Or Play?

I'd love to find a full-time position with a company that will give me benefits and let me stay a while. Tired of the contract work although, if that's all I'm offered and it means sleeping in my car instead of my bed, guess which one I'll choose.

3. Take a Vacation

Yeah. Ok. Haven't seen the inside of a real get-away-from-home-for-a-week-to-someplace-exotic-and-fun since..... ok, the 80's. I don't see me on vacation for a very long time.

2. Decorating My Home

Decorate. There's a word for ya. Decorating will come when we have full-time permanent jobs and live in a real house and not an apartment. So I'm probably going to miss out on Being Martha this year. But I will try to dream a bit more with ideas on my Pinterest boards.

If you can't actually live the dream, then keep a visual on it and plan for a better day tomorrow.

1. Be a Total CheeseDog

Ok, this one I might not break. I live in Tulsa. Have I seen much of Tulsa since I've been here? No. I haven't even broken a sweat on how much of a tourist I really COULD be. I'm living on Historical Route 66 with a billion-gazillion photo opps that I haven't taken advantage of. I could at least have the decency to try and beg the city for a beat up old Route 66 sign to take back to my storage locker full of old antique type stuff that needed a home somewhere.

So there you have it - my resolutions for this New Year. I'm full of hope that I will actually carry through with either breaking them or making them happen this year so pat me on the head and wish me luck.