06 April 2012

Darkness Calms The Chaos

Normally, when you think of darkness completely enveloping you, your natural instinct is to be afraid.

Very afraid.

For someone with migraines and ADHD, the darkness is a welcome relief.

It's an overcast, yet oddly bright day here. We've just gotten back from taking my husband to a job interview. I sat outside the building and waited in the car for him and, while I was there, wrote some more notes about Book One of my series. I don't know where all these characters come from but I get a boatload of inspiration just by watching strange-ass people. That's always a welcome respite from trying to think up unique characters all by myself. :)

The brightness took its toll on my eyes and I walked in the house feeling completely and utterly drained. My head is about to pop yet my mind is going 100MPH thinking about my characters. My brain tells me to give it up and stop encouraging a No-Win situation. Go to the Lazy-Gurl chair and relax, it says.

So what am I doing at a computer, you ask?

Easy. My eyes have to stop but I can't stop the raging noggin junk. So I'll have to think out-of-the-box and find a solution.


I now have a sleep mask on and am in total and complete darkness as I'm typing. The spots are beginning to fade and I'm not being at all distracted by the cats, the computer screen with all the countless browser tabs I have going across the top, my husband's tank game which is really cool to watch or the TV which is playing a very interesting movie, Malcolm X.

Of course, there's nothing I can do about the multitude of sounds coming at me but, as I smell the cinnamon rolls baking, I get a sense of well-being amongst the chaos.

I think about my characters and their reactions to smell, sight and sounds. I think about their interactions with everyday life - cooking, cleaning, even having a cup of coffee or tea - and it brings my characters to greater substance.

It brings them to a breathing, living life.

The chaos is turning into something positive.

I read somewhere that if you pass a tree when your angry, does the tree bark change because of your anger? Does it become more joyful if you pass it by in a elated frame of heart? What chaos do you carry past the tree that REALLY changes it?

On the surface, nothing. The bark stays the same. The leaves don't turn brown and wither and die because you curse at it or pass by with the foul stench of worry or stress.

If you think about it a different way, the tree actually benefits from your anger. You produce more carbon dioxide - the stuff of life for any green thing. The more you produce for the tree, the greener and stronger it becomes.

Alternatively, if you die of stress and worry, the only benefit you've left in this world is a greener, healthier tree and not much else.

So, what do you do to control the chaos? Do you go anywhere? Do you let the chaos control you or do you turn it around and produce something constructive?

Share your thoughts!